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Smile every day-2018-18

Posted by loong on 2018/07/30 in 英语段子 |

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Avoiding Funerals

I tend to avoid funerals…
… I’m just not a mourning person. 阅读全文…

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Smile every day-2018-17

Posted by loong on 2018/07/29 in 英语段子 |

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Yo Momma So Stupid

Yo momma so stupid, she doesn’t even know this joke is about her. 阅读全文…

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Smile every day-2018-16

Posted by loong on 2018/07/28 in 英语段子 |

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Sensitive Stuff

Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job.
After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. “So did you tell her?” asks Jeff.
“Yep”, replies Bob.
“Say, where did you get the six-pack?”
Bob informs Jeff. “She gave it to me.”
“WHAT?” exclaims Jeff. “You just told her her husband died and she gave you a six-pack?”
“Sure,” Bob says.
“Why?” asks Jeff.
“Well,” Bob continues, “when she answered the door, I asked her, ‘Are you Steve’s widow?’
‘Widow?’ she said, ‘No, no, you’re mistaken, I’m not a widow!’
So I said, “I’ll bet you a six-pack you are.” 阅读全文…

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Smile every day-2018-15

Posted by loong on 2018/07/27 in 英语段子 |

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The Savy Auto Mechanic

When I went to the automobile dealership to pick up my car, I was told the keys had been locked in it. I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I said to the technician, “this side is open!”
He replied, “I know. I already did that side.” 阅读全文…

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Smile every day-2018-14

Posted by loong on 2018/07/26 in 英语段子 |

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A Frenchman and His Parrot

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bird is wearing a baseball cap.
The bartender says, “Hey, that’s neat. Where did you get that?”
The parrot says, “France—they’ve got millions of them there.” 阅读全文…

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Smile every day-2018-13

Posted by loong on 2018/07/25 in 英语段子 |

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I’ll Pass On the Wings

The flight attendant on the trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As the young man stepped forward, she playfully offered some to him.
He passed, pointing to the Airborne wings on his Army uniform. He explained, “The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.” 阅读全文…

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Smile every day-2018-12

Posted by loong on 2018/07/24 in 英语段子 |

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Tough Times

I was just reading that the economy over in New Jersey is so bad, that the Mafia had to lay off three Judges the other day! 阅读全文…

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IT系统管理备忘系列

Posted by loong on 2018/07/23 in IT系统管理专业积累 |

oracle数据库用户密码过期(ORA-28001)问题处理

oracle 11g开始增强了部分安全特性,在default profile里面对用户密码设置生命期限(PASSWORD_LIFE_TIME)就是其中一项安全限制,11g开始此默认期限为180天,用户密码自上次修改后如果超过180天在连接数据库时就会报如下异常:
ORA-28001: the password has expired

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Smile every day-2018-11

Posted by loong on 2018/07/23 in 英语段子 |

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You Must Be Old

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.
“Wow,” the lady said, “I must have worn these when I was 183.”
Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, “How old are you now?” 阅读全文…

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Smile every day-2018-10

Posted by loong on 2018/07/22 in 英语段子 |

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Family Prayers

Mother: Don’t forget to include Grandma in your prayers tonight, that God would bless her and let her live to be very old.
Daughter: Oh, she’s old enough. I’d rather pray that God would make her young. 阅读全文…

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