Moral Of The Story
One day at the end of class, little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.
Little Suzy raises her hand. “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.” When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, “Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket.”
Little Lucy went next. “My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.”; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”
Next up was little Johnny. “My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands.” The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. “Well,” Johnny replied, “Don’t mess with Uncle Ted when he’s been drinking.”
Choice of Words
The priest said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.”
Sister Mary lived in the monastery for 5 years before the priest said to her, ‘Sister Mary, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.”
Sister Mary said, “Hard bed.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” the priest said, “We will get you a better bed.”
After another 5 years, Sister Mary was summoned by the Priest: “You may say another two words, Sister Mary.”
“Cold food,” said Sister Mary, and the priest assured her that the food would be better in the future. On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the priest again called Sister Mary in to his office. “You may say two words today.”
“I quit,” said Sister Mary. “It’s probably best,” said the priest, “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”
Manly Tea Party
My wife and seven year old daughter invited their friends to have a tea party but you had to wear a sun dress and a floppy sun hat if you chose to attend. They had a blast laughing and enjoying themselves for over an hour.
I got to thinking what would be the man equivalent to such a party, so I decided to have a bacon party and the requirement was to wear camouflage.
Last Battery I’d Ever Need
An angry motorist went back to a garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for his car just six months earlier.
“Listen”, the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, “when I bought this battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!”
“Sorry,” apologized the garage owner. “I didn’t think your car would last longer than that.”
Too Many Wheels
I tried working in a wheel factory, but I got too tired.
I worked at Starbucks, but had to quit…
I quit because it was the same old grind.
Banned Turkey Talk
What are turkeys NOT allowed to say to each other after they’ve had a big meal at the dinner table?
Blog of Loong
I was stunned last night when my wife told me I was too wrapped up in myself….
When did I get a wife?
A farmer asked the vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn’t doing well at all. After checking the bull’s vital signs, the vet reached in his black bag and pulled out a rather large pill.
He forced open the bull’s mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet. Suddenly the bull jumped up and took off like a banshee, jumping every fence in his way.
The vet exclaimed, “Well, looks like your bull is healed!”
The farmer replied, “Now give me one of those pills. I’ve gotta catch him!”
It’s Not What It Looks Like
Signs are not always what they seem…
IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything – bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.