Late for Work!
I woke up suddenly terrified, I’m late for work!
I opened my eyes and chilled… I’m at work.
A Text Message
After resisting the advance of technology for many years I finally gave in and bought a cell phone. A few days later I called my wife and told her someone kept texting me but when I checked I didn’t have a text message.
My wife asked who it said was sending a text. I told her I wasn’t sure about the name but I thought it was a lady named Betty Low.
After a short pause my wife responded with, “I think you mean ‘Battery Low’.”
I’m a peripheral visionary…
I Must Find It
One of the world’s greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, “Take it easy. You’ll find it.”
When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn’t find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, “I’m sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it.”
“You’re very kind,” the professor said, “but I must find it. Otherwise, I won’t know where to get off.”
The fellow walked in
The fellow walked into a bar he had never been in before and ordered a drink. He then asked the bartender if he enjoyed dumb-jock jokes. The beefy attendant leaned over the bar and fixed a withering glare on his customer. “Listen, buddy,” he growled. “See those two big guys on the left? They’re professional football players. And that huge fellow on your right is a world-class wrestler. That guy in the corner is a champion weight-lifter. And I lettered in three sports at Notre Dame. Now,” he continued, “are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your dumb-jock joke here?” “Nah, I guess not,” the man replied. “I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times.”
Q: Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice fact…
Q: Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?
A: He couldn’t concentrate.
As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.”
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow.
I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?” 阅读全文…
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him. 阅读全文…
Diamond Birthday Gift
Alex to his friend Francis: “Yesterday was my wife’s birthday, and I asked her, ‘What gift would you like to have?’”
Francis : “What did she say?”
Alex: “She said, ‘Give me anything which has diamonds in it.’”
Francis: “So what did you give her?”
Alex: “A deck of playing cards.” 阅读全文…