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品笑话学英语-2019-365

Posted by loong on 2019/07/14 in 英语段子 |

Mom!

A small boy is sent to bed by his mother. Five minutes later, “Mom.”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
[Five minutes later] “Mom.”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can I please have a glass of water?”
“I told you no! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!”
[Five minutes later] “Mom!”
“WHAT?!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?”
 
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Three Rules

One of my husband’s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, “There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!”
Checking to see that he had everyone’s attention, he asked, “What is the first rule?”
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, “Shut up, Drill Sergeant, Sir!”
 
品英语笑话,轻松休闲学英语。
If Cats Wore T-Shirts

If cats wore t-shirts, here is what they might say…
“Purrfection cannot be improved.”
“If you don’t like my attitude, you should see my cat.”
“Menopaws, This is the hottest I’ve been in years.”
“Take my advice. I’m not using it.”
“I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”
“Cats know how we feel. They don’t care, but they know.”
“Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.”
“Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. They have never forgotten this.”
 
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What Does That Make Me?

I’m really ticked that my handmade replica of the Norse god of thunder didn’t win top prize at the Medieval Art and Statue Convention.
 
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