Not the Brightest Spark
My boss called me into his office today.
“We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?”
“Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.
What Kind of Pants?
Yo momma is so dumb…
That she asked me what kind of pants I was wearing, I answered “Guess”, and she said “Wrangler?”
At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.
“Is she in Paine or Hacking?” the school secretary asked.
“She feels fine,” said the confused mom. “We have company and I’m keeping her home.”
Blog of Loong
More Than I Intended
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.
“Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?”
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?”