What Do You Call Leftovers?
A football fan’s wife says, “I hate it when my husband calls leftovers ‘Replays’.”
A TV Executive’s wife says, “Well my husband calls them ‘Reruns’.”
Mortician’s wife says, “Count yourselves lucky, my husband calls them remains!”
Affording A New Mansion
How did the Dermatologist and the Dentist afford their new mansion?
By the skin of their teeth.
Blog of Loong
What Is ‘Old’?
‘Old’ is when…
…your sweetie says, “Lets go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”
…your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
…a pretty lady catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
…you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
…you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
…when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
…when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
…”getting a little action” means I don’t need to take any fiber today.
…”getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
… an “all nighter” means not getting up to pee!
Bring Me Cakes and Ale
At Cambridge University, a bright young student showed up for the exam and asked the proctor to bring him cakes and ale.
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: Sir, I request that you bring me cakes and ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me cakes and ale.
At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred-year-old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section that read (roughly translated): “Gentlemen sitting in examinations may request and require cakes and ale.”
Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily eating and slurping away.
Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.