Smile every day-2018-59

Posted by loong on 2018/09/09 in 英语段子 |

Boo Boo

Knock knock … Who’s there?
Boo who?
You don’t need to cry it’s just a joke!

Bread Vs Butter

There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day, the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound, and he found that he was not. This angered him, and he took the farmer to court. …
The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measurement.
The farmer replied, “Your Honor, I am primitive. I don’t have a proper measurement, but I do have a scale.”
The judge asked, “Then how do you weigh the butter?”
The farmer replied “Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day, when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker.”

California, Here I Come

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.
“Hey, pal, what’s the matter?” Jack asked
“Oh man… I’ve been transferred to California,” the other guy answered, “there’s crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate…”
“Hold on,” Jack interrupted, “I’ve lived in California all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it’s as safe as anywhere in the world.”
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, “Oh, thank you. I’ve been worried to death, but if you live there and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?”
“Me?” said Jack, “I’m a tail gunner on a bread truck.”

Blog of Loong
Wife looking for problems

I went to a speciality shop to buy a bra for my wife
The clerk said he needed to know something about her before making a suggestion for instance: We have a Presbyterian bra that is firm and supportive. We have the Salvation Army bra that is warm and uplifting.
The clerk asked me do you understand? I said yes she is Jewish, small busted and always finding fault with me.
You need the Jewish bra. It makes mountains out of mole hills


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