A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn’t eat.
The Doctor explained to the man that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up it’s food.
“What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck’s nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it’ll drown.”
The man goes about his business and about a week later the Doctor runs into his patient.
“Well, how is that duck of yours?” the Doctor inquires.
“He’s dead.” declared the heartbroken man.
“I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned didn’t he?” insisted the Doctor.
“No.” lamented the man. “I think he was dead before I took him out of the vise.”
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.
“Henry,” she said, “I’ve just received a letter from mother saying she isn’t accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn’t you?”
“Er, yes, I did,” said the husband. “But I couldn’t spell convenience, so I made it risk.”.
Blog of Loong
I Forget Things Easily
Patient (to Doctor), “I forget things easily. What should I do?”
Doctor, “I think first of all you should pay my bill”.
The Soldier And The General
A private just out of training is assigned to guard the main gate.
He is ordered to allow no one through unless they have the password.
A vehicle with a 3-star general inside rolls up. The private stops the vehicle and asks the driver for the password.
The driver doesn’t know the password. The private, after saluting the general, asks him the for the password. The general doesn’t know it either.
The private says, “I can’t let you through without the password.”
The general replies, “Son I’m the commander of this base and a 3-star general!”
The private says, “Sir, I still can’t let you pass.”
The general tells the driver to drive on through.
The private then says to the general, “Sir I’m real new to this. Do I shoot you or the driver?”