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Smile every day-2018-23

Posted by loong on 2018/08/04 in 英语段子 |

Father Doesn’t Always Knows Best

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Is he sick or something?”
“No,” replies the wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie.”

What’s Your Allergy?

I was at the hospital’s emergency room for a sports-related injury, and in answer to a question on the form I was given, I replied that I had a serious allergy. The nurse put a plastic band on my wrist and I sat down in the crowded waiting room.
The lady seated next to me glanced at my wrist, shock registering on her face, and then quickly moved away from me. Surprised, I looked at the band for the first time. It read “Nuts.”

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Careful with that Opening Joke

Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers.
One of these speakers boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd’s attention, said, “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn’t my wife!” The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, “And that woman was my mother!” The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well.
About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!” His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, “…and I can’t remember who she was!”

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Two Lost Hunters

There were two hunters who had never hunted before, so they took a hunters safety course. In this course it was stressed that if you ever got lost in the woods, firing three shots in the air was the universal signal that you needed help.
The very first day of hunting the two hunters became lost. It started to get dark, so one of the hunters said that they better shoot three times into the air so that someone would come help them. They shot three times into the air and waited three hours but no one came. One hunter said that they should shoot three more times. They did so and waited three more hours but still no one came. One hunter said they should shoot three more times and the other hunter said that he could not do so. With that the first hunter asked, “Why not?” The second hunter replies, “I only have two arrows left.”

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