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Smile every day-2018-15

Posted by loong on 2018/07/27 in 英语段子 |

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The Savy Auto Mechanic

When I went to the automobile dealership to pick up my car, I was told the keys had been locked in it. I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I said to the technician, “this side is open!”
He replied, “I know. I already did that side.”

 

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Senior Ramblings

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can’t afford one so I’m wearing my garage door opener.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it “Pumping Rust”.
I have gotten that dreaded “furniture disease”. My chest is falling into my drawers!
I know when people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for company!”
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, “A Good Doctor!”
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . .write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me… they are cramming for finals.
As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.

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Drivers Ed Student

As the new drivers ed student drove through the red light at the intersection, the instructor admonished him and asked, “Why did you not stop for the red light?”
The student replied, “My brother doesn’t.”
The instructor directed him to return to the school for more instruction before any more driving could take place. On the way back, the student approached the same intersection with a green light, he immediately slammed on the brakes shocking the instructor as well as other drivers. “Why did you stop at a green light?”
The student replied, “You never know when my brother’s coming.”

Blog of Loong(http://nicelife.me)
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Smile For the DMV

When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”
The clerk looked at his picture closely. “It’s okay,” he reassured the man, “that’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”

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